Question of Power and the Power of Question

So I got to watching some youtube. It was interesting because I started running across some "False Prophets" videos and one of them was Benny Hinn. You know it was kind of sad yet interesting. It's really is sad, I have always had a hunger and connection to that sort of thing... well let me explain.

When I had just gotten out of Masters my second year (i went home to hang with my fam during my folks divorce) I took a few courses at RCC (Riverside Community College) Midi and Music Theory. I would get out of school and go home to the everyday ritual. Frozen Hamburger patties on the grill and some Mr. Rogers :) after my fix of 70's and 80's childrens programs I would watch Benny Hinn. Strange I know but it was on purpose. I would literally sit and weep at what God was doing in these people. Look, I was in my early 20's and Benny was something my Grandma would watch. I dont know why but i was locked.

Well... then it happened. Dateline did a special, people began to call it a Circus, he would start the whole waving his jacket, blowing on people... they accused him of money garbage and it turned so many people off. But folks... I would literally sit and FEEL God watching this show. Hated his hair, hated his accent, and really didnt care for Steve Brock that much either... but I would just sit and bathe in what I felt was God.

This is my question... what have we done? I was raised in the fact that the Spirit of God was real.I even have a story where I not only felt it... but was used in it... but it's long so I put it below this post for those interested. How long has it been since we have even heard of the big stuff? You know signs, miracles... I mean beyond the baby thing at the Bradys church (video of miracle) and even that is in speculation (video of speculation) It seems every miracle now a day is under speculation. God is real... but so is the criticism. It is sad.

I want my son... this generation to experience and believe. My response used to be "It may be a circus, but look at the lives changed" or "Lives are changing and if he is off? He has to answer for it". When you watch Dateline and the videos on youtube... it sucks. It just deepens the wound on Gods Power... See? Even those 2 words together now a day is even skeptical. I feel like everyone else ... but I am tired of Religious Attitude. I have to be careful here because of what I walked through religion scraped me off... anyways!!! (still healing folks, give a brother a break)... I want to love people and let God use me... so here is my question.

1)Where do you fall regarding "Gods Power" or where miracles went?

2)Have you ever experienced it before or witnessed it before and when you tell it, how is it received?

I am not into starting a battle of semantics and theology ... but I am curious to see what is thought by others... Can we see it again or like we have never seen it before? Yes He will pour out his spirit... but i have seen and experienced it poured... but where are we now? As the church and his mirrors... where did it go?

A lesson in Healing and the Gift of Humility

When I was a kid an elderly couple by the name of Charles and Francis Hunter came through our church. I was sitting in the back row that service (my dad was the pastor... it was mandatory for a pk to do so in our rebellious fashion) I had a football injury in Junior High playing Tight End. It knocked my hip out of joint and I had to have surgery... 4 pins. I had them removed a year later. It caused one of my legs to grow shorter than the other. That morning Francis Hunter said "there is a young man here whose leg is shorter than the other". Well in a church of 250 people not many options... but i knew it was me. I got up limped down and sat in a chair. She said "are you ready to see Gods Power?" I said "sure?" She lifted my leg and just held it in her hands and said "ok Father... heal this boy" I literally felt my entire leg go warm... as I watched it grow an inch right in front of me... well thats not the story.

They then gave me a book called "the gift of healing". I read that book as if it was a choose your own adventure book. I couldnt stop. I was done and begged God every day. I want this. I want to heal sick and broken people. I mean I BEGGED God. Every night for months. Hehe um... this is where it gets interesting.

One night a friend of my dads came by to preach that night. At the end he said this... and I quote "some of you have been asking God for different things... but there is one of you who has been BEGGING God... tonight, you got his attention"... I FREAKED!!! I sat patiently... one person after another... crying, getting theirs. Then... he got up and said "Lets pray to thank God for tonight" Where was mine? What the heck? I was ticked. In my mind I simply said "God you have let me down" Get this... he stops praying... looks at me and says "Dont give up on Him yet... come up here"... then it happened.

He asked me to pray for his back... he had surgery on it and needed a miracle. As I began to pray... it hit me. Like I was standing in lightning. From my fingertips to the tip of my nose to my toes. I know this sounds absolutely stupid... but you know when Frodo takes his ring off? and everything is in another dimension? That was it. (that is literally the best illustration I can give) I would begin to feel hurt in different parts of my body and a light would shine over every person that was there that would match the pain I was feeling. It went from my sister in law and her knee to some strange lady and a heart condition. One after another... and slowly that tingle was leaving my body. Finally... it was gone... and I was exhausted.

The next week... I couldnt wait to hear everybodys testimony. Well it happened. My dad asked if anybody had anything happen to them. One after another they got up... thanking God ... BUT NEVER SAID ONE THING ABOUT ME!!! Hey come on... I was 17. I was so angry. I wanted the credit. I wanted at least a thank you... and that is why I had to learn the hard way. I have yet to experience that again. Not that I think God is punishing me by any means... but in my young heart... that very thing taught me humility... and the Power of God. It was a very real moment for me. But... when you beg God? He listens... but he will teach through it wether your ready for it... or not.

Tomorrow has my attention.

Ok so here is a question? How much time is lost in a blink? I mean we say it all the time. "Man it's like I blinked and a year has gone bye." I know that is exactly how we feel. I mean we were just saying today that we cant believe we have been in Georgia a year already. Looking at pictures of when we first got here, my son even looks like a totally different kid. Now? We are on the cusp of a teenage boy...ahem...man. I am the Executive Pastor of one of the most amazing churches I believe anywhere. Masters has almost tripled since we started and my life seems clearer everyday. If I was to do one of those 80's fog like squiggly flashback moments, right now is when it would began.

You know, we have gone through a rough set of months the past few. I have had so many people wonder what we went through, so many people with their own version with scattered fragments of truth and imagination. One thing I do know, is I am not the same man I was. This blog has been with me through it all. You can scroll through months and days where I have had alot of trails in my head that are documented in this blog. I guess my purpose of this post... is I am ready to close the books. The yesterdays. I used to think... "You know what I have walked through will be my testimony"... not so much. I mean yeah... it is, but it will have to be released in Gods timing. There are a lot of folks who at this point could not handle looking at our journal just yet. Even as I type this I keep hitting the backspace and deleting what I type, because some of it... is just for us. Regardless of all the questions of what or where. All of the fact less references of OUR history... I want to focus on one thing... and that is this answer... why?

To the best of my ability, all I can muster, all I can gather in a proper response is what I am about to say. The reason I can say it is through time and prayer I am beginning to see why as God pulls back layer after layer of me. So...why? I was tired. I was done. I ran out of G.A.S. meaning... I ran out of giving a crap (but with the vernacular of shipping high in transit). Yes I know. i hear my mother telling me there is no reason for that kind of talk... but its the Gods honest response. I grew empty and tired with no connection, recollection or even desire to refill. Why refill when all your gonna do is pour out and have nothing let for you at the end again anyway? No narcissism involved. No selfishness implied. I was tired of sacrificing with no return. I was tired of living unhappy. I know now... all of that... was MY fault... no one else's.

About 6 months prior to my disappearance from the persona of "Phipps" I had taken so long to build... I felt it. I felt it day after day before I actually shut down. The warning. The inner voice saying "buddy your gonna fizzle". The conviction of what I had left to salvage in me, trying so hard. I could literally feel the Holy Spirit hold it's hands against my chest keeping me at bay. The bottom line? I had already singed my sense of concern. I had already silently grown bitter at ministry and it became the step dad that tried to convince me it loved me... but I held that inner feeling a disconnection of losing the connection of a real Father. You know the original sense of passion I had for ministry to begin with. Why couldnt I just pray for strength again? Why couldnt I just hold on for one more day? Why couldnt I deny myself and... Why? I just didnt care anymore. So I shut down. I grew bitter. I learned the hard way bitterness is the key that gives access to hatred. I didn't get caught in something, I didn't have a nervous breakdown. And besides the fact that even some reading this feel me avoid the obvious, but thats the very thing. It wasnt obvious. I heard how so many said "Thats just not him". I didn't know who "him" was anymore. Bitterness attracts company and bitterness x2= a momentum for madness which causes vow amnesia. I just simply powered down and left.

So many Masters kids with wide eyed wonder asked "how could he do this to us"... that made me angry. Why? My insides screamed "This has nothing to do with you...for once!!" I used to carry a fear in me that if those who had built me at a level, seeing me in my superman suit... if they really knew what Clark Kent had allowed himself to become... I was scared that my fears of no one really caring about ME... not what I do or how I performed or preached. Not what kind of car I drove, who I worked for or what brand my watch was... but me... they would write me off. A lot of those fears came true when it all came down. No one really knew the real Greg Phipps was screaming on the inside, no one really knew how numb I had become. Again... this isn't all true... this is what was being branded into my soul from my non stop thoughts mind. I know now my wife knew the whole time. I know now she talked to me several times, begging me to talk... but I was already gone.

Some details will be in my book but not too many. I have hurt too many people in my process of grace and I wont hurt them anymore but I need to let go of yesterday. even the real yesterday. This last year has been far from perfect. I have been far from perfect.. but who I am compared to who I was before... is limitless. Where my family is now? We could take on the best of yall. My relationship with my wife? ... that will be in her book :) It is unreal. She is and has been simply amazing. Our love for eachother grows more and more everyday.

I guess the hard part for me is forgiving me. I know that sounds ironic coming from a "pastor", but when u are loved unconditionally yet you know the conditions that could be justified... it can tend to haunt you. The other is the relationships that still have bruises in my life. The distance or the gap between myself and those who loved me and I love them. I posted this statement on my Facebook and I'll say it again. I fell, and for those who were using that as an excuse to fall yourself? I got back up. Where are you? I have determined to let those go. I love them, but I am no longer going to beat myself up. I have learned the value of letting people you trust and love really know you. Letting them see the blueprints of you...why? Because if you ever forget who you are, they can remind you. IF you ever get broken? They can help put you back together.

You never understand the depth of Grace until it is needed. I cant wait to write my book because I havent even explained the facts of if I hated ministry so much, why am I back. My journey home was amazing and is still being written. I know there are so many out there who feel that to be in Ministry your not allowed to be happy. Also the facts of the easiest place to get lost is at home. Or have shut down or are about to and need to know there not alone. I eliminated the performance based acceptance I was stuck in... and just live life every day... happy.

Bye Yesterday... Tomorrow has my attention now.

A new year, a new life... a new blog.

I have not blogged since April of last year... AMAZING! I find myself now more apt to twitter my experiences but, it is time to start blogging once again. I have been talking to my Bishop about this and he agrees, as well as my beautiful bride. I am going to write a book. I really dont know what yet. I have had a few titles run through my mind. One was "Every superhero has his kryptonite" ... but in all honesty I am even more of a different person than i was last April. As far as this blog... here is my question. What is a blog?

I mean think about it. Is it a space to journal? Is it something you try and make of interest so people will follow? Is it an opportinity to give opinion regarding politics? Current events? Spiritual matters? All I know, is it is going to be an opportunity for me to express where I am, what I am going through and what is going on in the Phipps world.

When I was in Arkansas and God was putting our family in an environment of healing and repair, my blog was a great way for me to compass my progress. My God. I need to tell you sometime about some of the things I have gone through. One of them was I was... well. I will save that for another blog. The mileage on our family has been great... but what we have become because of it? It is breath taking. So saying all that?

The blog is back on.

Phipps

:)

Crazy day today. There are so many things we have going and are so excited about life. Not only is Masters starting this fall, presently at New Hope life never stops. We just had Field Day, Michael Pitts Tuesday night and now Pink Sunday on May 10th. It is Breast Cancer Awarenes and we work with the Susan G. Komen foundation and on Mothers Day bring that awareness (which my wife is heading up) Then, Military Appreciation Day all the while producing the KI video... Whew. Sometimes u gta stop and blog on ur iPhone ;) like now.. See?



-- Post From My iPhone

Good day

Today was a good day. We had staff at Kingdom Impact today. Love is the K.I. Director there and I thought having staff there would help the staff connect to the heart of what she does. It was moving and impacting... No pun intended. Then tonight Michael Pitts spoke and flat tore us up!
He talked about "Order your steps" living in order not disorder. Understanding the value in the routine of principles. You gta go to our website and watch it on demand. I'll post a link soon. Well, a part of our routine? Iron Chef. B4 bed.. Its on now and I'm gna go finish watching it ;)


-- Post From My iPhone

Thank God it's here!!

Finally!! It's been too long since I have posted... Plus Twitter and mini blogging it's an on the go life. But now I have an app I can finally blog with!! Well we are great. Here in GA, it seems like we are in the vein of Gods will for our lives. We have Brody for a few weeks... Which is INCREDIBLE! luv him! Things are good. We are happy, healthy, and home. Besides finding some great apps lately, please everyone... Go to my wife's facebook and ask her why she poisened her husband;) well... It's good to be back in blog land and love it! We got Micheal Pitts coming tomorrow night and we are excited. Church Sunday was amazing. Here it is...



Bishop called us up at the end and said some stuff straight from God. Then today was my girls bday. Bishop took us to lunch. April told Brody we were going to eat Japanese food so every oriental thing he saw including ppl he pointed and yelled "Chinese!!"



What a mess. Well, love u all and am
Back to blogging...

Don't forget to breathe ;)
Phipps.

Post From My iPhone

Oh my...

Well, we are home. It took us awhile to get here... but we made it. We packed up our stuff, emptied our storage unit and we were ready. Well... I do want to say thank you. My wife suggested I send a message to our Small Group at Harvest Time that we needed help loading the truck because if not... it would have been just me and my sister and b in law. Well, I picked up the truck and pulled in ready to load to find our Small Group Leader at my door... then another guy came...then 3 more. Before it was over, there were 8 people all together that helped us load. So... thank you to everyone including my sis and husband who packed my truck so tight nothing budged :)

Well, we then got here (after a 14 hour drive) to find the mens ministry helping us unload our truck in full force. We were so blessed and blown away. We then walked into our house that we hadn't seen yet at all... and were moved to tears. It is amazing. The nicest house we have ever lived in by far! It was just built, 2000 square feet, 20 foot vault ceilings, 4 bedrooms...amazing. 

I gotta tell you, God is just amazing. It is breathtaking. We are both so deeply moved and blown away by it all. I apologize for the lack in blog posts due to this major transition in our lives, but we are home. I had somebody text me last night an ask me how I am doing... my response "Well, I love my wife, love my house, love my Pastor...and my son has a mowhawk...does it get any better?

:)

A new door... a new home.

Well, here we go. It is amazing how quick yet amazingly God works. We have just got back home and are the beginning stages of wrapping up life here in Arkansas as we take our next step. Let me explain...

Last year around November I received a call checking on my family and I. Bishop Jeff Poole called to encourage me and coach me to keep my head up... and pay our rent for that month. Even though his act of kindness was amazing, it was like a cool breeze in the middle of a hot day. Well, I placed that in the file "God provides again" and went back to work. Ever since that moment I can't explain it, but that seed started to grow.

The entire month of December I kept telling April, I don't know why... but I can't shake Bishop from my spirit. So around the beginning of '09, I sent him an email. I told him things that had been turning in my spirit, things that I had felt had been growing for quite some time. Things that God and I had discussed regarding our next step. I told him "Bishop, your name has been spinning in my spirit and it could very well be God desiring me to listen to your voice regarding our next step". After I sent that email, 10 minutes later I get a phone call. Bishop told me everything... things he had only shared with his wife were the exact same thing I had sent. God... initiated our next step.

He flew us out there this last weekend and our hearts melted together. As he interviewed us and spoke with us about our lives... he focused on us, not just what we could do. He prayed for us and ministered to us and in that moment God initiated him as the voice in our lives and our Pastor. As he hired us on the spot, I asked him in our Saturday meeting... "Well, when do we let the word out?"; at the end of his message the next morning, he stood us up and announced it to the church. We are moving to Georgia. We will be starting NHMC (New Hope Masters Commission) this fall at New Hope International Church. 

You know, I am sure a lot of people could and would ask "Are they sure they are ready?" ... well, after 8 months of prayer, healing, counseling and preparation I will answer for you. Yes, we are ready. We are excited and can not wait. Pray for us as we pray for you. It is time. 

... don't worry. I am sure you're wondering how you will hear about our progress? We tend to live our life loud. You will hear sounds coming from Central Georgia and turn the page and see us right in the middle of it. Since when did we ever live quiet?

;)

Amazing

It seems I find myself once again amazed at the way God does things. You know, when you love something so much, you will do anything for it. I have found that out with my family. I have also found that out with my life. Ministry is a funny thing. When you read about Samuel and how he was under Eli. It says he "ministered"... which means served. 

Ministry for some is an undefined monster. No matter how much you love it... it always seems a little too much. For some, ministry is like a new child. It brings joy, brings challenges but never enough to regret its presence in your life. For me... ministry became something that I allowed to serve me. I wondered when all my sacrifice was gonna pay off. I would say "I am tired of all the sacrifice and nothing in return"... thus my resentment. I found myself adding my wife in there as well. My responsibility to what God had called me to grew dim to a vacuum of selfishness that was a difficult void to fill. When you hear the phrase "you don't know what you got til it's gone" is underestimated. Why? Because for some, including myself... I acquired amnesia. I "didn't know" what I had. I was lost. I was beyond saving. Then, when it is gone you begin to reach for things... that are no longer there. You try to cling to areas... that no longer exist. I say all of this because of where we are. 

Through the stupid illustration of a kids cartoon movie "Kung Fu Panda" to be exact... I heard a profound statement from a turtle kung fu master :) "You can not change the past... and the future is a mystery... but you do have a gift called now that you can change...that's why they call it the Present" Even April said "OK... wow" Those words already confirming what I have been feeling. The only thing I have the ability to change... is now. 

I heard this next statement so many times in this season in my life..Ministry should never be a destination but an outcome. When I first heard those words it confused me. Ministry is a destination to those who love it, would die for it and know it is there lively hood. I resented that statement, especially hearing it from people in ministry... doing what they love and actively involved in their calling. It's like someone telling you while you are in a financially stressful season in your life "eh...money is overrated"...but then, I began to understand. 

It is not about doing what you love. It is about doing... for the One you love. Ministry is an outcome of your relationship with Him. That is what gets lost in the mix of ministry. Every aspect of ministry is an outcome of your relationship with Him. To some... this sounds almost elementary, but to others who have a ministry that seems to grow faster than you can... you understand. Ministry becomes your responsibility due to your role all the while forgetting the way, reason and source of how and why you got there. So I say all of this as a confession. I am going to strive to do and become for the One who called me, loves me and gave His life for me. That is the only way I can make it. 

It is a Present... because if I can't handle my now? How can I handle my next?

A Repost of my past becoming a present to my future :)

The other day I was listening to a song from "Leeland" called "Carried to the Table", about the story of Mephibosheth. The story of Jonathan's son who was cripple. It is an amazing story of restoration. The greatest part of this story is it wasn't his fault. He was dropped when he was a baby. David made a promise to his best friend that he would take care of his son. Everything that was promised to Mephibosheth was taken from him. To make a long story short... he was cripple, but held his position. Standing on broken legs. Read the story some time.

2 things stuck out.

1) Who wants to be seen with a cripple, especially a King. Sure you can care for them... get some "what a good person you are" pats on the back, get some "Look God I like cripples" prayer photo ops. David made Mephibosheth his son. Can you imagine the extra care that would take? Plus... he's a King for Gods sake, he could have just sent carts of treasure... or even a message and have M brought to him... but he went himself. As he dipped into the dirt to embrace him, his pretty robe that confirmed his position got dirty. It's great to lend a hand to someone when they fall. Help them up, pat them and ask if they are ok. But what if the injury has affected there ability to continue? Who will go the distance to fulfill the "If there is anything you need... just let me know" What if their voice was silenced by the strain of mistakes and does not contain the ability to ask?

2) Mephibosheth stood taller cripple than Ziba did with legs. Ziba stole everything that was supposed to be M's with a lie. What did M do? He said "let him have it. As long as I know my new father David is safe... thats all I need" M learned priorities. He had a true treasure in David. What we fail to understand? Everyone knew M's handicap. Everyone knew what he couldnt do and used it against him and he was impaired. M didn't care. He stood with broken legs. You learn real quick to get used to the taste of dust when everyone walks on you. I have learned alot from Mephibosheth.

Good intentions has never accomplished or built anything. David could have walked after Jonathan was dead, but he kept his word. Can you imagine the first time M was picked up by David and slid to the table? No longer words of encouragement, but actions of covenant relationship. Alot of people did not know how to react after my fall. I reached out and some responded. Others? Hey man, I'm here for ya... and yet I hear nothing. Why? Who wants to be seen with a cripple? Others have carried me to the table. You know who you are, and I cant thank you enough for not caring wether you were seen associated with me or not. Not caring about getting your hard earned position a little dirty. I have learned priorities. The "I saw it comings" or "wow he wasn't the man I thought he was" ... you can have any treasure that is left behind in the wake of my mistakes. As long as my family is ok?...thats all I need.

I have learned to stand... on broken legs.

Forgive and Remember

Well, I did it. I typed. I vented. I let go of a lot hurt that took me an hour to type. But... i erased it.

Y?? It was filled with words of wonder. Words and questions regarding those who erased me and forgot me while all this transpired. Friends who forgot I was here...

There I go again. It's not gonna happen. I have forgiven, just like I have been. In order to forgive and remember... I have to remember. Remember who I am. I am not a bitter man. I have never been a bitter man. I am a lucky man.

I haven't blogged in a while. We have been so busy. We are good, we are healthy and we are ready. Stay tuned... the best is yet to come.

...heard a funny this morning...


"A man called his girlfriend and got her voicemail. It said..."Sorry I missed you leave a message. I am changing alot of things in 2009...if I do not return your message...you are one of those changes"

:) Phipps.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Go Back.

Ever feel...

You know, maybe its just me. It could very well be just me... but ever find yourself at a place where you cant find yourself? It's a feeling like none other. You get everything else in order in your life... except yourself? Btw... you gotta listen to the song on your top right... if not while you read, at least some point.

I am at a place in my life where I think this will be the position of my life and that is I am not ashamed or held back to live somewhat transparent. The reason? Why not? Your life is the greatest example ever. 

To get back on topic. Not a long post just a real one. I was at that place. It's like trying to do inventory in an empty room. I found myself finally breaking down and telling one my good friends... the truth. His guidance and words are echoed in this post. 

Go back. Go back to the place where God spoke to you. The place where you heard his voice. The place where you knew it was God. It isn't a geographical location, program, church.... the place! That area in your life where you abandoned all reason, logic, common sense... and simply listened. If you think you can find you on your own... you are mistaken. He loves you and has brought you to this point to bring that back to your attention. So... stop looking for the perfect book, the greatest song you've heard... Go back. 

When you can't find you stop looking in, look up. As stupid and cliche as that sounds... the reason you can't find yourself is due to the fact you gave you away a long time ago. Be encouraged... we are all in the same boat.

Account... ability

Wow... what an emotional week. Plus... April and I both have worked double shifts all week. Doing everything we can to prepare for Christmas =] Have you ever gotten so tired there is not a nap long enough to get rest?? Yeah. Well, no great revelation or wisdom to impart... just a truth. DO NOT EVER take for granted your friends. Not people who are connected to your experiences... your friends. 

Do you know the word friend is from the french word "Freund" which means to love freely? You ever talk to someone... out of obligation? You know... they are connected to someone you know who you REALLY care about? I say all this because of a scenario I am currently involved. 

I had someone reference the lack of accountability in friendships. Well, I have walked down a seriously learned path and something just hit me and I fired back.... I said "because no one understands what accountability is. The word "accountable" is related to "to give account". When you hire an accountant, you don't call them everyday and say...well, how am I doing?

No, your accountant calls you and holds you responsible to your actions. Instead of "being" an "accountability partner" and waiting for them to just call you and tell you the truth.. YOU CALL THEM! Keep them tallied to what they involved you with to begin with. You keep them to the line they asked you to keep them to. WE WONT! Why? It takes time and resource. 

When I was at my lowest I had friends that I could count... on one hand that held me to that. Sure, I got calls... hey man how you doin? The other calls... "You told me you wanted to be at such and such a place in your life...what are you doing to get there and where are you now?" Everyone else? Just patted me while I was down and let me know they were there for me... others? "Phipps... get off your a** and get up, stop whining and do it"

Trust me i understand. Those folks have to be invited in right? Well, no one gets invited without an introduction. You hire an accountant because you do not have the means due to your responsibilities or resources to do it on you own. My "friends"... when I didnt call them back? They called me back everyday until I called. It's not easy being a friend... but mine have shown me the cost compared to the reward.

Accountability... Friends... I will never take them for granted in my life. 

Thank God its His Grace...

One of my best friends on this planet's life is being burned to the ground as you read this. You hear about Grace... sadly enough rarely see it. My heart beats again because of songs like this. This song is the most finite description of my present. I have to share it. I know this is the most unreal difficult nightmare you are experiencing right now. Everyone will be silent in your mistakes but applaud your decisions... if they work out. No one wants to get their hands dirty. Your name is a common topic in conversation... but not for long. You will be forgotten but that is ok. When a man gets forgotten is the perfect environment for him to remember who he is. I dont care what is said or spoken... I love you. Call me... I will carry you until I drop, then we will just rest together and get up again. April and I are here.

Play the video on the right... then read on... I love you friend.
 

My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again

I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the
emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who brings me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Again

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands

Really???

Ok... I get it! Jesus does not like President Obama...

That is at least what you would think. You hear so many people TERRIFIED about Barak Obama. Listen... ok, I didn't vote for this guy. I didn't agree with some of his views. I have heard from so many people that are genuinely scared. FOLKS!!! Really???

I sent a message to a dear friend who was terrified for their kids and their future... They were scared that the country is being led to hell. They were scared that their kids are living in a sin filled land led by a Godless president... I responded because in their heart they are truly concerned. here is some of what I typed:

"Do you think every youth pastor in America themselves believes every single thing your family does? Sure they believe in the word and God. i am sure they love the generation they are serving... but come on... how do u know he doesnt think drinking is a sin? Or sex with his girlfriend is just a personal struggle? Or the Pastor that preached on Sunday about morality yet can go to Las Vegas and gamble money from the paycheck from Gods people but just considers it a vacation and nobodys business?? Its life. If we knew what really happened at times in the heros we have built? Every one has their kryptonite. Trust me. Not everyone that leads... if we really knew what was in there... we wouldn't follow.

Why do I say this? The greatest part about this country? It is not controlled...it's led. You lead your kids. I dont care what the president believes, he is not the father of my son. He is not the voice in my sons ear that he believes as truth. He can pass whatever bill he wants, whatever law he wants, whatever sexuality views he has. God is God, and I am the president in my house =]

No one but me is responsible for my sons growth. He will know... "they can pass and believe what they want... my dad has always taught me what God thinks... and that is wrong". Dont get me wrong. I will pray for Obama. I pray he leads us in the right direction. Did I vote for him? nope. But... the Word tells us to pray for our government.

We did not lose a political war. Dont forget, we dont wrestle against those things anyway.

One more thing. NO ONE is led to hell. The bible tells us EVERYONE will have the opportunity to know the truth... they will choose to leave it. Yes, there are some who will be led astray... but they too will know the truth. To get into a theological debate is the very thing Jesus was against. He gave 2 commandments as utter importance. Love God with everything, love others the same. Trust me, Obama has a full plate, and there is enough hate in the world to fill it to overflowing. If we are not careful... our concern is viewed as a biased hate driven by fear. ME? I am who I am because I chose to be, I am here because I chose to come home. I am here because I chose my family. NO ONE will choose for me. Thus the FREEDOM of where we live. I didnt choose him, but he is my president. I am going to pray for him. Trust me. Wait til he makes a mistake. Every talk show that sung his praise will shoot him down just as quick.

As those who call themselves God followers... God led us way before the election. That doesnt change. Pray for him, but pray that we become stronger in the change, not weakened by the fear of the unknown. We have the advantage of KNOWING the unknown... we follow the guy who knows everything!!"

Six pack anyone??

Well, apart from the worst tattoo I have ever seen (actually it's quite creative when you think about it)... anyhow, it has been a chunk of forever since I have posted. Things have been rather crazy but good. Working alot as well as April. But? The reason I have been so busy is we have been at the gym every day for about a month (thus the six pack pic...figure i should explain the large redneck above) I dont think I have ever in my life had this much of a focus on the aspect of my health. My wife walks/bikes 30 mins a day, I am lifting now more than I have ever lifted in my life. The crazy thing is. I have done this before...

You ever get to the place in a workout where you hit it for a good day or two. I mean the weights, the treadmill... maybe even a nice set of situps? Then the next day your a little sore? Than day 2!! You know what I mean. The kind of sore where you cant even hold a pencil? Yep, that one. I was there about a month ago. i have learned how to focus your strain on your muscles to double your impact...well sounds good, tell you are so sore you cant lower your arms past your pockets!! Well I was there. I never wanted to look at another gym again. It was embarrassing. My son would walk by and tap me and I would scream like I was a victim in a head on collision!! I had been at this place before a couple times a few years ago. I couldn't take it. I stopped to heal, and felt good that I had attempted... but I just couldn't take the pain.

I had to push past it. Yeah I rested. But I kept going. Now? It is incredible. I can actually feel myself getting stronger and seeing the difference. Folks... I couldnt do 3 pushups in a row (at least not without doing them on my knees), now I am hitting 4 sets a night. Why am I saying all this?

Think about it, I have heard time and time again "... if you want to go where you have never gone, do what you have never done" What I am pushing myself to do physically is making its way into every area of my life. The discipline I have to have in order to not only push past the pain, but make myself actually go? Now? If I dont go to the gym, it feels odd. I am adding those same disciplines to my life.

No, not reading the word, or praying or sharing Jesus. Try checking on my wife, laying with my son, cleaning so she can rest, throwing the football with my future all star?? It's those things I am seeing the muscle in getting stronger. We always talk about making our family stronger... but you have to push passed the pain. They aren't used to that much attention... neither are you so things will seem strained and sore... push passed it. Before you know it? When your brushing your teeth you'll see muscles start surfacing you never knew where there :)

Be big in a very small world.

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the school's students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all that attended.

After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question.
"Everything God does is done with perfection. Yet, my son Shay cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is God's plan reflected in my son?" The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe," the father answered, "that when God brings a child like Shay into the world, an opportunity to realize the Divine Plan presents itself and it comes in the way people treat that child."

Then, he told the following story:
Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they will let me play?"

Shay's father knew that the boys would not want him on their team. But the father understood that if his son were allowed to play it would give him much-needed sense of belonging.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We are losing by six runs, and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning."

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. At the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield. Although no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base. Shay was scheduled to be the next at-bat. Would the team actually let Shay bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.

Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have ended the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman.

Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first, run to first." Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, "run to second, run to second!" By the time Shay was rounding first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman for a tag. But the right fielder understood what the pitcher's intentions had been, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head. Shay ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home.

As Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "run to third!" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay! Run home!"

Shay ran home, stepped on home plate and was cheered as the hero for hitting a "grand slam" and winning the game for his team.

"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of the Divine Plan into this world."

Thank you'z.

I just had to say thank you to everyone who called, emailed me, commented... anything. For real... I was blown away by all the messages for my Birthday. Yes... 37 is 3 years away from the big FOUR OH! I honestly don't care about getting older. I do however care about being the coolest old man I can. Black socks, plaid shorts, gilligan hat, velcro shoes, aqua velva smell, bowling shirt with my name on it, large hearing aide!! I am so down. I want to talk too loud in a quiet store. I want to pay for things in change, I want a handicap sign so I can park ANYWHERE! I wanna mow my yard at 7am, I want my dog emma to be fed by table scraps and gain 80 pounds and not move, I wanna check my mail 4 times a day, I want... I wan... I wa... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Huh? Wait. Where am I?